Stop Letting Them Get to You

by Mari Tamagawa

978-4-7631-3481-3 C0030

191 pages / December 2015 / 1,300 yen (w/o tax)

A former clinical psychologist for the Japan Self-Defense Forces who has saved over 30,000 people reveals how to separate yourself from difficult relationships.


This book is for those who suffer from stress no matter what methods they’ve tried to alleviate it. The author has both physically and mentally helped improve the lives of over 30,000 people as a clinical psychologist for the Japan Ground Self-Defense Forces. She ranked number one in performance and had numbers of revisiting patients. The key to this success was a secret she calls “self-consideration.”
There is a specific person or group of people at the root of all of our worries. Worries that involve wanting recognition, others getting angry at us, or not understanding us simply come from the fact that we worry about what others think. This act of using standards that aren’t our own as a guide and filter for our own thoughts and actions can be called “others-consideration.” In order to erase the worries that come from these relationships, it’s important to change from “others-consideration” to “self-consideration” and follow our own guidelines. If you can recognize this one point, you will easily find solutions to your worries, suffering, and anything else that seemed impossible to overcome.

Now, what needs to be done to acquire “self-consideration”? The key to this is “letting go.” This is possible only if you stop concerning yourself with what others think and completely forget about wanting to be the best, wanting to show your best, wanting to be normal, and wanting others to think the most of you. This sounds negative, but it’s an important thing to try in order to improve our lives. Once we realize that we tend to unconsciously cause ourselves worry and stress about meeting the expectations of others, we’ll be able to pursue a life that best suits us.
This book provides examples of the types of people who have caused the author stress, and it introduces several new habits that promote staying true to yourself. This book is filled with all you need to know to break away from “others-consideration.” Acquire “self-consideration” and say goodbye to all your worries.

From the table of contents

– You can’t wish your troubles away
– It’s okay to hit rock bottom once
– Being scolded is more valuable than being forgiven
– Why is time alone important?
– Physical preparation comes before mental preparation
– Not being able to finish things stems from an instinctive response

– Seven everyday habits that raise self-assurance
– Go out and meet the best people you can

and more…

From the editor

A clinical psychologist has to look at things from other people’s perspectives to help them conquer stress and worry. There’s nothing easy about this. However, Mari Tamagawa seems to understand people’s worries better than most and is a person who can truly see eye to eye with others. Her achievements and abilities as a clinical psychologist for the Japan Self-Defense Forces definitely fostered such empathy. But it was also her being a victim of domestic violence and marriage fraud that gave her this strength. She’ll be tough with you. She won’t sugarcoat what she says, but she won’t abandon you. I urge you to read and internalize Ms. Tamagawa’s helpful messages.


Mari Tamagawa

Mari Tamagawa is a former clinical psychologist for the Japan Self-Defense Forces, and board chairperson for the non-profit organization Heart Seeds. She was born in Okayama Prefecture, Japan, in 1973; her father was an alcoholic and her mother an attempted suicide victim. She enlisted in the Japan Self-Defense Forces in 1991 with the hope of building the strength she needed to protect herself, being the first woman to serve in the Field Artillery Regiment. In 2008, she became a clinical psychologist for the Ground Self-Defense Forces and was entrusted with helping to lower the high suicide rate that plagued the military. Wanting the opportunity to save more lives, she quit the Self-Defense Forces and invested all of her assets into setting up a non-profit organization. She has given over 100 lectures to audiences at the Japan Self-Defense Forces, Japan Coast Guard Academy, and the Fukushima Medical University, sharing her expertise on crisis management and dealing with victims of various incidents. She has won the trust of over 30,000 clients, holding over 2,000 consultations a year. The difficulties she experienced in her tough upbringing, with an attempted suicide by her mother, domestic violence, divorce, marriage fraud, and other problems, have given her an education that she now shares with you in this book about how to improve human relations.